Life After You
by Alphonseelric22
Summary: Life after Ed wasn't easy and Roy discovers his mistake in front of a broken down car.
1. Chapter 1

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Not now! Any other time and this wouldn't be so bad but not now!" Mustang cursed and kicked at the broken down car as the engine smoked and filled the air with a vile smell, choking him a bit as he gave it one final kick. How in the world was he supposed to get there in time? What if he'd already found someone new? What if Mustang just didn't matter anymore? Well, he supposed he deserved that with the way he'd treated him only a couple weeks before.

Roy wasn't sure what had been going through his mind that night, the night he'd told Edward the two of them just didn't belong together, that it wouldn't work and the look he'd given Roy still haunted him even now. His eyes had taken on the pained look that had been within them for so long during his journey and he hated himself for putting that look back into Ed's eyes. At the time, he'd just walked away, leaving a silent Edward behind him in the park, leaving the boy out of his life.

No, that was wrong. He wasn't a boy anymore. He'd grown to be a strong man, stronger than most people Roy had ever even met and he was sure Ed could take it, could take the rejection that Roy was now berating himself for. Ed was strong and he had been for so long that something like this couldn't tear down those great walls he'd erected behind metal limbs and eyes that blazed with passion.

His strength wasn't the only growth he'd experienced in the years since getting Al's body back. He'd grown a bit taller though still smaller than Mustang and he'd become even more breathtaking than the fifteen year old boy he'd taken home so long ago. His hair had grown to unimaginable lengths, trailing down his back in a golden river and Roy had marveled at it whenever he'd worn it down, taking it from the ponytail it usually swung in.

But now he wouldn't see any of that. He wouldn't see the smile in golden eyes, the long trail of golden hair that teased at perfect hips as they swayed in his shirt, teasing and enticing him. He would never again hold that lithe body against his own and feel flesh and metal alike in his bed during the night, the familiar dip of the mattress now gone. His palms were grinding into his eyes to keep it all from flowing freely.

He would not let this happen! He had tried goddammit! He had fucking tried going to Edward and talking to him again but something was against him and he kicked the car again, furious with himself and the world but mostly furious at the image that kept appearing in his mind.

Fuck it. If he was going to lose he was going to die trying.

So Roy Mustang took off running.

–

"Shit!" Ed cursed, tugging on his pants as he ran towards the front door, hair swinging in a wet mess behind his back. He turned the knob of the door, eyes widening at the sight of a flushed and sweating Roy Mustang standing before him. "Mustang?"

Roy looked up at him with eyes that begged his forgiveness, begged for another chance and Ed didn't have time to utter a word as lips collided down on top of his, needy and desperate all at once. Ed made a soft squeaking sound as he was pushed back against a wall, Mustang's hands on either side of his head as he broke the kiss and stared down at him.

"Hey, are you okay? You look like shit."

Roy chuckled but still said nothing, wrapping his arms around Ed and holding him close as he sank to his knees.

"I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry," he muttered, throat raw from emotion and exertion.

"Hey, what's gotten into you Mustang? What happened to all that we can't be together shit? If this is some fucking booty call I'll tear your fucking nuts off."

Roy tightened his hold on Ed, just breathing in the scent of freshly showered hair and running his fingers down a naked spine, head resting on the small of Ed's back.

"I was fucking stupid Edward. I thought it'd be better if we weren't together, if I just let you get on with life and just find someone else. I can't do it. I just can't. Every time I go to sleep I wake up and I swear to fucking god the bed was dipping on your side. I need you."

Roy buried his face in Ed's shoulder, taking in the smell of grease and strawberries and Ed. Ed was trying to pull back from him, escape his grasp but dammit all Roy didn't want to let go.

"Hey, let go," Ed hissed, pushing back to lean against the wall, the arms finally done suffocating him.

Roy sighed, raking a hand through his hair and giving a hollow laugh. "And here I thought I stood a chance. I should've known there was no going back."

"Stop feeling bad for yourself idiot," Ed said, his hands cupping Roy's cheeks and bringing his eyes level with the blond's. "You aren't getting rejected you fucking girl. You were just squeezing me so hard I thought I was gonna choke." Ed sighed, pressing his forehead to Roy's. "Listen to me you fucking moron because this is fucking hard to say and I feel like a goddamn girl but you need to hear it, I love you. I have for a long ass time and sure it hurt when you just left me in that park but dammit it all I still fucking love you."

Roy hand's slid up his shoulders, along the lines of his neck until they could meet in damp blond hair and tangle there, massaging gently at his scalp. "So, I still have a chance then?"

"Of course," Ed said, smiling softly up at the man before him. "You're the only one who ever did." Ed took one of Roy's hands from his hair, placing it on his chest where Roy could feel the steady beating of his heart and it was like a lullaby. "It's only beating like that for you okay? Just you."

Roy couldn't help the grin that split across his face just before he leaned in to capture the blond's lips with his own, teeth nipping gently and fingers gripping golden locks to tip Ed's head back and give Roy access to the wonderful flesh of his neck. He bit and licked at his neck, drinking in the taste as Edward's eyes slid closed and his hands gripped the white button down shirt Roy always wore.

Ed parted his lips for the older man, inviting his tongue in and god how Roy had missed the taste of the younger's mouth. The taste was one he never could place but he didn't care because it was Ed and it was the way he tasted. Ed's tongue joined the dance, coming out to play and stroke and just explore the mouth locked onto his. Roy tasted a bit like scotch and that always made Ed smile because he wouldn't have the man taste any other way.

They finally parted for air, staring at one another for long moments. Roy's eyes slipped shut as he pressed his forehead against Edward's again.

"I really am sorry."

"I know. You don't have to apologize," Ed replied softly, running his fingers through black hair and Roy practically purred at the touch. "If we're going to go further than just kissing we should probably shut the front door."

Roy laughed, laughing as if he hadn't before and Ed couldn't help the smile that curled his lips. Roy had it back, everything. His heart, his joy, his laughter, all in the form of one blond alchemist who had owned him from the day he'd strode into his office, all confidence and determination and fire. Unlike his namesake, this was one flame Roy could not control and he didn't care to control it either. He preferred to see the flame of Edward Elric burn bright and it consumed him, swallowing him in heat.

Roy Mustang smiled and just held him, Edward Elric, his laughter and his life.


	2. Chapter 2

**JiraiyaWhitney, a reviewer of the first chapter of this story had mentioned wanting to see just what had happened in the park between Roy and Ed and so this chapter was born. I decided to basically use this chapter to chronicle their relationship from beginning to Roy being a complete idiot. **

**This chapter is therefore dedicated to the lovely JiraiyaWhitney! Enjoy!**

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It was always an odd thing, this relationship of theirs, as if that label even worked. Really what they'd had was more of a mere acquaintanceship, the two only really putting up with each because it was necessary. Without this connection, without the military, Ed didn't think he'd have the ability to find what they needed, that one little lead that would bring them closer to a flesh and blood body for his younger brother. So, Roy and Ed put up with each other for the sake of one boy encased in a metal shell because really, what kind of people would they be if not for that boy?

Roy certainly hadn't expected the young man to become so alluring, so much more eye catching than any teenager had a right to be. Anyone, Roy reasoned, would either have to be idiotic or blind not to see that Edward Elric was attractive. It was as plain as day that Ed was a desirable being, whether for that heart that belonged only to his brother or those tight leather pants the clung in all the right spots. Roy just saw this as admiration of a beautiful creature and that was what kept him from crossing the line between work and pleasure.

When Al had finally been returned to flesh and Edward's plans had come to fruition, what was there left for Ed to come back here for? He certainly wouldn't return to Mustang for any riveting conversation nor would he stay on the military contract longer than he had to. He was only with the military for his own goals and purposes and now that they'd been fulfilled what had he to come back here for? That was why Roy was so surprised when the boy had shown up for assessment, renewal of his contract.

He had been even more surprised when he'd first kissed Ed, the gesture tentatively returned as automail fisted in his shirt. He'd forgotten to breath, forgotten to move his lips until Edward had given him a small push with metal fingers, his lips pressing harder against the older male's. From there it had become a tangle of cloth and flesh and metal, sheets wrinkled with passion and Roy had to ask himself why he hadn't tried going after the boy earlier.

_Because he was untouchable._ And in a way he still was, still so like thin glass that could shatter with the merest gesture because Roy knew that despite having returned his brother back to his body, despite that harsh journey being over and done, Ed was still blaming himself for everything. A sort of peace had settled over the blond once Alphonse has become whole again but that didn't mean that every dark memory had been banished. The pain was still there, the wound was still raw and bleeding and Roy was afraid of touching it, afraid he'd only make it wider.

They'd began seeing each other much more as the weeks went into months and they joined their bodies numerous times and each time still felt new, still felt like it was their first, even if Roy's actions had gone from calculated and careful to raw and passionate. He'd found Edward to be very compliant when it came to bedroom matters, more than willing to let Roy do with him what he liked and all that power was dizzying. Never had Edward Elric given up any part of himself so fully, the consequences far outweighing the positive affects and Roy felt himself joyful at the idea that he'd be the one to receive so much of his subordinate.

Months went on as the two spent less and less time apart and Roy found he didn't mind that at all. Sleep interrupted by terrifying dreams became easier to deal with when a steel hand would gently cool his forehead and soft lips would press to his temple. He hadn't realized when it had become this deep, so much more than just a night of pleasure and sweat. Somehow they'd crossed the border from sexual partners and began crossing into lovers territory and Roy would be lying if he said it didn't scare him.

It was frightening, this clenching of his chest whenever golden eyes settled on him with a lazy smile curling perfect lips. It was lovely how in the darkest hours of the night a small hand would come up to cup his cheek and just stay there, claiming him. It was terrifying when they spent less and less time entangled in each other and more and more time actually talking, intellectual conversations, mindless prattle about books that made no sense. All these things were wonderful but still shook him too the core and something just snapped.

It had been a week since they'd seen each other and Roy was sure Edward was tired of being kept away. His mind was reeling with thoughts of long blond hair and metal limbs and perfect lips against his own. Every thought he had was of the boy and he knew he'd gone too far. They'd become far more attatched than either of them originally intended and Roy did the only thing he could think to do: he fled. He hid in his home when work didn't bring them near each other. He buried himself in paperwork and meetings when they were forced to be together during the day. They argued, Ed even getting a bit violent as he was prone to do, a few objects flying in Roy's general direction and their coworkers all seemed baffled by the behavior.

Of course they had fought before, always with jeers and taunts to one another when working on a lead for the Philosopher's Stone and always those arguments were settled by a voice encased in steel before they could get much further. Al was their voice of reason during their idiotic squabbling and bickering. But he wasn't here anymore. Alphonse was off living and _feeling_, feeling everything he couldn't before because everything was so new now. Alphonse wasn't there to keep Ed's temper from flaring to dangerous levels. He wasn't there to keep Ed storming from the office.

Roy knew something had to be done about this relationship they had seemed to form. Whether the outcome was something Edward wanted or not was now none of his concern. His heart lurched but he pushed the feeling away, knowing what had to be done. There was no use in playing a game that neither of them were equipped for, that he was sure neither of them wanted to carry on. So he called Edward, asking to meet him in the park near his home.

"So, what the hell did you call me here for? I doubt it was for some sort of date judging by your behavior lately," Ed muttered, gloved hands stuffed in his pockets.

"That's just what I've wanted to talk to you about Edward." And that's when his throat had closed and forbidden further speech for the moment and that beautiful and infuriating smirk curled at the corner of Ed's mouth.

"Then talk. No one's stopping you."

It took him some time to find his voice again, his throat staging a coup against his brain. "What are we doing Edward?"

Ed shrugged. "You tell me. You're the one who made me drag my ass out into the freezing cold to stand around in the park and talk about you acting like a fucking asshole this last week."

"No Ed. I'm afraid you misunderstand my meaning." And he had to find his voice again because it kept escaping him at the important moments. "What are we doing together?"

Ed just stared at him for a moment before his features contorted in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about Mustang?"

"This. Us. If you haven't noticed this is a bit abnormal."

"And if you haven't noticed, I've been a bit abnormal most of my life. So what?"

"And you're perfectly fine with us both being male?" he asked, trying to school his expression into neutrality.

Ed shrugged again. "I see no problem with it. Who gives a flying fuck anyways?"

"And what about the fact that you are quite a bit younger than me Fullmetal?"

Edward's eyes narrowed. They'd dropped the use of his title a long time ago in favor of actual names. Roy was no longer called by his rank and Ed was no longer called by his military name. "What did you come here to say Mustang? Just fucking say it already."

"It's over. This will not and cannot ever work for either of us," Roy said, willing to keep his face neutral because this was what was needed, because they _couldn't _make this work.

Ed stared him down, look turning from slight anger to a bit of fury. "Bullshit. You know I've worked through more difficult shit before. I doubt this could be any harder than getting a body back."

"It's not that simple Fullmetal. There was never anything there to begin with."

And that's when Edward's expression had turned feral, lip pulling back in a growl. "Is that all I was to you? Another fucking notch in your bedpost? Just another one on a list of too many fucks to care?"

Roy smirked at him. "So you've finally figured it out? It was fun while it lasted but I'm afraid our game is over Fullmetal."

He wasn't so sure he could stick to those words when Edward's golden eyes had dulled even if his general expression hadn't changed and Mustang knew what that change in his eyes meant. It was the blond's own way of showing pain, showing he'd been hurt though he never seemed to notice he did it. Roy almost came undone because of those eyes and so he strode from the park, playing arrogance and superiority as he left Ed behind in the chill night air.

–

He'd thought this would be simple: cut any personal ties with him, go on a few dates and have a few nights of pointless sex with women he might never remember but every time, something hindered him. This wasn't to say that he didn't still appreciate a female body and all it offered, nor was it to say that he didn't get hard from the lust that glazed over a woman's eyes when they began their beautiful bedroom courtship. Even then, he kept doing these things, things he didn't even realize he'd been doing until it was too late.

The first time had been running one hand down a woman's right arm and pulling back in alarm when it wasn't cool, when metal didn't press against his palm and he had to remind himself that this was not the same person and had to will himself to go on despite his eyes still darting over to her arm as if it were alien to him. By the end of the night she'd left shortly after they'd finished as he still scowled at her right arm and it's flesh.

The next time had been because of breasts, which he had always been fond of. Now, they looked just as alien as a woman's flesh arm had nights ago and Roy couldn't help the puzzled expression that stole over his features at seeing them instead of taut muscles under sun bronzed skin. He wondered how they'd gotten there and how the flesh had turned milky instead of the darkened tone it usually was and by the time he'd realized his error, the woman was already getting dressed and leaving his home.

It was humiliating to say the least. Every time he brought a woman home to his bed, something was wrong. Be it her hair, her breasts, the right arm that he swore should've been made of steel, those lips that just never felt like the lips he'd adored before, something was always out of place. Roy feared his reputation for wooing women was becoming battered with every error he made during love making and every time new rumors sprouted about his odd habits in bed, Roy blamed blond hair and golden eyes.

It soon came to a point that Roy just didn't bring anyone home any longer. A week and he'd already stopped seeing anyone at all. He barely slept at night, nightmares clawing at his mind before his eyes flew open and he swore to God there had just been the press of cool against his face and the touch of lips to his temple. His hands would wander to the other half of the bed, searching but never finding what they longed for.

Another week dragged on in this fashion and Roy knew it was becoming too much. He'd wanted to live without the boy, give him time to realize that maybe it was all just lust and passion and no of it actual feeling and maybe become detached himself. It had become scary, new feelings he didn't understand, the loss of breath at even the thought of a single thing harming Edward, the palpitations of his heart whenever Ed would laugh or smile. The way his eyes raked over Ed and his mouth curved into a soft smile as told him he was beautiful.

He ground the heels of his palms into his eyes as he was assaulted by everything Edward and he knew he couldn't have anyone else, he wouldn't. The boy had found his way into a place no one had ever been and settled there, refusing to leave or let anyone else come in and attempt to fill the hole because Ed just filled it so perfectly. His body shook as the last image in his mind was those eyes, those wonderful, gorgeous golden eyes, swimming with pain and that's when he ran from his home and jumped in the car.

He was in love with everything Edward Elric and he'd be damned if he let that slip away.


End file.
